1. Spend as little time as possible in isolated castles
Especially those recently usurped by murderers. They tend to be the sites of bloodshed and madness.
2. Mind the weather
Stormy and ominous weather often foreshadows trouble. If the skies darken and thunder roars, be on high alert.
3. Avoid job interviews with witches
If three weird sisters offer you a prophecy about becoming king, politely decline and head the other way. Unsolicited career advice from witches rarely ends well.
4. Always have an airtight alibi
“I was busy talking to a tree” is probably enough.
5. Say no to surprise parties
If invited to a special gathering at someone’s castle, just send your regrets. Better safe than brutally murdered by your host.
6. Stay clear of moving forests
If you see a forest on the move, don’t investigate. Just run. Birnam Wood coming to Dunsinane is a bad omen for everyone involved.
7. Practice your poker face
Seeing a ghost at a dinner party? Just smile and nod. It’s probably safer than acknowledging the spectral guest.
8. Invest in a good security system
Install some medieval security measures in your home. Moats, drawbridges, and a sign that says “No murderers allowed” should do the trick.
9. Avoid sleepwalking
If you’re prone to sleepwalking, consider tying yourself to the bed. You don’t want to be mistaken for someone delivering monologues about bloodstains in the middle of the night.